“Does everyone agree?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n On the surface, it seems like a simple, even straightforward\nquestion. It seems to ask what we really need to know: Are we in agreement? Have we reached a decision? Can we end the meeting\nand go our separate ways, knowing we are aligned on this one?<\/em> That\u2019s the\ninformation you actually want. \u201cDoes everyone agree?\u201d is simply poor shorthand\nfor all of that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When someone asks this question in a face-to-face meeting,\nyou can at least scan the faces of those around you to look for obvious signs\nof discomfort, disagreement, or confusion. In fact, I\u2019ll bet that\u2019s your first\nreaction when someone asks this. In a remote setting, you get a lot less\ninformation from doing that, even if everyone is visible on video. So you have\nto rely on what people say<\/em> in\nresponse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, there is no possible way to respond to this\nquestion that accomplishes anything useful. First of all, we can\u2019t know what\neveryone else thinks without hearing from them individually. We all realize\nthat, but we also know that if we stay silent, there will be an embarrassing\npause, so we often speak up. The people who really do agree tend to speak\nfirst, because it\u2019s generally easier to express agreement than dissent. So you\nhear a bunch of \u201cYes!\u201d responses from those who are satisfied and\/or just want\nthe meeting to end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Potential dissenters also realize that there is no room for pushback in that question. The responses you really need \u2014 the objections, the need for further information or clarification, or the alternative proposals \u2014 aren\u2019t invited. Even if someone tries to speak up with \u201cUm\u2026 no?\u201d it\u2019s often drowned out by the polite chorus of \u201cYes!\u201d So how do you find out if people are in agreement if you can\u2019t use that question? Try an alternative that draws out the responses you need, like one of these: <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt sounds like we should do x and y and then z. Does anyone\nhave an alternate proposal right now?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m curious if anyone has a different perspective before we\nmake a final decision. Anyone?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDoes anyone still have questions or reservations about this\ndecision?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Or, simply invert the question so that people who do agree keep quiet and people who don\u2019t are invited to come forward: \u201cIs there anyone who does not agree?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Then keep quiet yourself for a minute to give people time to frame a response. My favorite trick for this is to take a leisurely sip of my beverage right after asking the question, and then keep quiet until I\u2019ve carefully placed my cup back down on my desk. Works every time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Do make sure you allow enough time to actually discuss anything that comes up. If you don\u2019t, people will quickly catch on that you\u2019re really asking, \u201cWe all agree, right?\u201d and they won\u2019t bother speaking up. It may extend the discussion a bit, but that will pay off in stronger alignment at the end. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Photo by\u00a0<\/em>bruce mars<\/em><\/a>\u00a0on\u00a0Unsplash<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ever been in a virtual meeting where something was being decided? How did it go? Perhaps it started with some discussion, maybe someone shared some slides with graphs or data, people talked for a while to present different points of … Continue reading ![\"\"](\"https:\/\/digitalfacilitation.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/bruce-mars-559223-unsplash-640x427.jpg\")