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Or maybe you\u2019ve been that presenter. You want to answer\npeople\u2019s questions, so you say, \u201cAny questions or comments?\u201d Then the silence\nstretches on for a year or two and you nervously continue: \u201cAnyone? No? Okay,\nlet\u2019s move on,\u201d all the while wishing that someone had asked a question or\nshared a remark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Interestingly, whenever one of those happens in a meeting, the other one is usually happening too. That year-long pause for the facilitator or presenter is really only a couple of seconds long. However, that person is experiencing something called podium time<\/em>, or the terrifying skewing of any period of silence so that it seems to go on forever no matter how short it actually is. (Another quality of podium time is that the time available for any given agenda item passes at an accelerated rate, but that\u2019s a topic for another post.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n We have a fear of radio silence, and as the person in\ncharge, we feel it\u2019s our job to prevent it. But I want to encourage you to\nthink of silence as your friend, if what you want is to get people to ask\nquestions or share their comments. It\u2019s hard to do. Here\u2019s how I taught myself\nto embrace the silence and make space for people to talk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Leave enough space for people to respond.<\/strong> It takes someone a few seconds to mentally frame a question or remark, and another few seconds to decide to speak. In a remote session, it takes a few more seconds after that to decide that no one else is going to start talking so it\u2019s safe to speak up. If you don\u2019t give people all those seconds, nothing will happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I do it by keeping a beverage handy. After I ask for questions and comments, I pick up my beverage \u2014 slowly \u2014 and take a sip. I might take a second sip. Then I slowly set the beverage back down. Almost every time, someone is speaking by the time I\u2019ve placed it back on my desk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is especially useful if you\u2019re on video, because\neveryone can then see you are committed to your beverage and you aren\u2019t going\nto be talking for a few seconds while you sip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Ask for\nparticipation in an inviting way.<\/strong> There\u2019s a world of difference between\nthese two openers:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAny questions?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n and<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat questions do you have?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The first one, \u201cAny questions?\u201d is okay, but not great. It\ncarries a tiny implication that you don\u2019t actually expect anyone to ask\nanything. While we\u2019re used to hearing it, it\u2019s not the most inviting way to ask\nfor remarks. It says, \u201cI have to stop in case anyone is confused, but otherwise\nI\u2019d like to keep going.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The second one, on the other hand, says, \u201cI imagine you must have questions, and I\u2019m looking forward to hearing what they are.\u201d It\u2019s an inviting way to make space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Likewise, when asking people to participate in a\nconversation, some ways of framing the invitation are better than others. This\nis useful when you\u2019re trying to encourage a group discussion about something.\nConsider these two phrases:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnyone have any comments about this?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n and<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat would you like to say about this?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Again, the first one is a little dismissive. There\u2019s a slight implication that you\u2019ll pause, but only if anyone really wants to say something. The second one indicates that you expect people to have something to say, and you\u2019re ready to listen. It\u2019s especially effective combined with the beverage trick, which makes it crystal clear that you\u2019re not moving on for a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Ask people to stay off of mute. <\/strong>There are two reasons I prefer small groups to remain un-muted. First, it’s a hurdle to participation. A small one, sure, but it’s there, and I want people to be able to act on their impulse to speak. Second, it allows the chuckles and the gasps and the other small sounds to come through, which really brings a group alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The exception is when there is sudden or temporary background noise. People obviously can and should mute if they need to sneeze, cough, or speak to someone near them; or if there is intrusive environmental noise like construction sounds, dogs barking, and so on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If the session is a one-way presentation given to many people, the norms are different and I am more likely ask people to mute by default. But for teamwork, groupwork, and small workshops or classes, keeping everyone’s microphone hot can increase participation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Learn to love the silence.<\/strong> This isn\u2019t easy, but it\u2019s essential. That silence after you invite participation is actually your friend. It\u2019s easy to imagine that everyone is wishing you\u2019d just move on, already \u2014 and in all likelihood, someone in the group is probably feeling that way, which is fine. But it\u2019s also likely that other<\/em> people do want to ask or say something, and it’s important to give them the space. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When you allow the silence to exist, you create a vacancy that others can lean into and fill. If you welcome the silence and sit in it calmly, it will be an inviting silence: a step back so that others can step forward. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" You\u2019ve been in that meeting. Usually it\u2019s a remote meeting, but not always. The presenter or facilitator has just finished a segment, and they say, \u201cAny questions or comments? Questions? No? Okay, let\u2019s move on,\u201d and the meeting sweeps on … Continue reading ![\"\"](\"https:\/\/digitalfacilitation.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/bbh-singapore-stS3fOSw9uE-unsplash-2-640x427.jpg\")
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